Work Family

Remember that work event where everyone got drunk? Ever heard the term work wife/husband? What about the recruiter that said the culture is like a family?

A workplace is meant to be a place of professionals. You wouldn’t ask your dad to create a Powerpoint for you and you wouldn’t ask your sister to provide feedback for your performance review. A family loves you unconditionally and doesn’t lay you off. A family also doesn’t pay you a $150K to show up for dinner.

However, since people are still people, there will be different personalities and relationships you will interact with. The guy who loves talking about sports or beer. The woman who always has the latest fashion. That one person you wish you could vote off the island.

There are also different levels of relationships:

• Acquaintance - You say hi, ask how the weather is, and then get to the point. This is generally a safe zone for professionals, but doesn’t build a meaningful connection.

• Friend - This person knows what your kids are up to, you talk to them about your spouse, and are able to get their opinion on things. This is where things start to get a little more grey. You’re building a more meaningful connection, but maybe the person will use your weaknesses against you when put in a precarious situation. In your friendship, you may have shared that you don’t like a new process, person, etc. What if you said that your manager is a raging B****? I’m sure you can think of the ways that can backfire. Your friend might be friends with your manager too.

• Family - This is a do not enter. Do not pass go. Do not collect $200. Using the term family at work is a toxic situation.

  • Jami told everyone at work that Travis is her work husband. They talked all the time and hung out outside of work. I can’t see you right now, but I know what you’re thinking. If you’re thinking it, imagine what people at work thought.

  • Another example is Matt and Betty who knew each other before working at the company. They went to each other’s kids’ birthday parties. Betty was in a manager role and always gave the best opportunities to Matt. Everyone else was blatantly aware of the favoritism and resented them both.

How do you build a meaningful connection without causing a relationship imbalance or having it become toxic?

1. Keep topics safe. It’s okay to talk about your personal life, but if you wouldn’t want it on the front page of a newspaper, stay away.

2. Religion, politics, sexual orientation, and your manager are off limits. If you need advice about your manager, talk to someone you trust that’s not on the same team and isn’t your manager’s best friend or actual family.

3. People love to talk about themselves. Ask your coworkers about them instead of telling them too much about yourself. People also love giving advice, but be careful when asking for it as they’ll assume there’s a reason you need the advice in the first place.

4. When in doubt, talk about travel, animals, food, and business.

5. The best question at work is “How are you doing, really?” You might get more information than you wanted, but it will help form a meaningful connection.

6. For managers or sales professionals who have trouble remembering, it helps to write down key names and dates so you can ask later how Bobby’s soccer game went or what their trip to Curacao was like.

A healthy, meaningful connection can last a lifetime which is helpful when looking to change jobs or get a promotion. My husband hated talking to people at work and here we are 8 years later. However, I never called him my work husband.