The Feathers are Ruffled

In Ruffling Feathers we talked about how to avoid ruffling feathers, or making someone turn against you. What if you already have?

Beth shared her unconventional opinion in a meeting. She wants to change what is being offered in an existing top-selling package. The person who spent months creating that package, Tom, is immediately ruffled.

Beth was not wrong to want to make things better, but she needed to take into account the existing dynamics of the situation and do her homework. What steps can she take to improve the situation?

1. Schedule a 1:1 conversation. Talk to the person who is ruffled. Understand their perspective and see how you can learn from what they did. If Beth still wants to move forward with her idea, she needs to tell Tom how she’s not completely changing what he put together and why she feels a change would be helpful. Ask Tom’s advice or for his help with the changes.

   Note: If multiple people are Ruffled, it may take multiple 1:1 conversations to gather all of the feedback. Listen and then repeat what you heard to show your understanding.

2. Actions speak louder than words. Incorporate Tom’s feedback into what you’re doing and invite him to meetings to help. Show Tom that you value him.

3. Have a plan. In order to roll something out, there has to be a cut off for changes. Make it clear through steps 1 and 2 that Tom has been heard, but now it’s time to make it happen with the green light from leadership. Make Tom aware it’s been approved and you would like his help as a change agent. Can he do that? If he’s still against what’s happening, it’s no longer within your control. You can let him know you’d like his help, but understand if he doesn’t have the bandwidth at this time.

Most of the time ruffling feathers is about trust and/or ego. When the trust is broken, you need to rebuild it which is hard to do. You may only get one chance so do it right. Understand their feedback is not meant to bruise your ego, it’s usually meant to help you. Ignoring the person’s feelings or feedback will likely lead to a broken bridge which can ultimately hurt your career.

No one wants to feel like they don’t know what they’re doing and everyone feels a little bit like an impostor. It is okay to make mistakes. Learn from them. Apologizing does not make you weak. Your own ego will make you weak.

You catch more flies with honey.