Support Structure

“My manager doesn’t support me.” “My team doesn’t support me.” “I’ve supported Bobby this whole time, but I’m not seeing any changes.”

Support by definition means - Approval, Comfort, and Encouragement.

Is it supportive to tell someone what they want to hear? Let’s use the example of someone asking if their butt looks good in those jeans. Many times this question is seen as a trap.

Do you a) Tell them their butt looks huge and they might want to get a different pair b) Tell them their butt looks great to spare their feelings or c) You look great, but you should try this other pair over here and see what you think? A real friend does not let their friend waste money and go out in public looking awful, but is also sensitive to the way their words make others feel.

Alright, a more professional example, someone wants to know what you think of this tool they’ve worked really hard on. You’re not so sure it’s the greatest thing since sliced bread.

Do you a) Tell them everything that’s wrong with it. b) Tell them it looks great. c) The concept is good, but they might want to get some additional feedback/get input from x/see a similar example, etc. d) The idea should have been thought through a little more before putting so much effort into the tool?

Is it supportive to be honest?

Is it supportive to tell someone they’re pursuing something that’s not right for them?

Sometimes someone might say something that sounds really mean and hurtful, but they’re actually trying to help you. Was it mean and hurtful just because it’s not what you wanted to hear? When someone gives you candid feedback, take a moment to listen to what they’re saying without being immediately defensive. It’s also okay to ask questions about what they’re saying, why they’re saying it, and tell them you’d prefer the message be communicated in another way.

Going in a different direction might just be what you need to hear so you don’t end up in a bad situation.