Yes and No

Mark reached out, “I have too much on my plate and it just keeps coming.”

Valerie shares, “I have trouble going outside of my comfort zone and trying new things.”

There are two different personalities, neither right nor wrong, but both need to find a balance between saying yes and saying no. We hear a lot about saying yes and only about saying no when it comes to a fight or flight situation. This is because organizations want you to push yourself and take on more. Generally the reward for a good job is more work.

Say yes. It’s fantastic to say yes to try new things and get yourself out of a rut. You may have heard of a ‘yes day’ where parents have to say yes to whatever the child wants (within certain preset parameters.) It can surprise you what your child will ask for. Say yes to meeting new people, going to new places, and trying new activities. Starting The Mentor Mission was a way that I said yes to something new and I’ve found it’s something I look forward to.

Say no. It’s very common to take on too much. This is because you aren’t saying no to anything or maybe not to enough things. Say no to tasks that will not help you in any way (make sure you understand long term impacts or the bigger picture first.) Say no to meetings that could be an e-mail. Say no when you know you’re at or close to your capacity. As a project manager, I would always schedule my team for 32/40 hours to allow for urgent tasks to be solved or enhancements to take longer than estimated.

How do you find a balance between yes and no? This is the trickiest part.

1. Set personal boundaries. Figure out what is most important to you and don’t waiver on it. If you need to pick up your kids from the bus stop, pick up your kids from the bus stop. If you need a mid-morning/afternoon walk to clear your head, block 15 mins and don’t book over it.

2. Ask up front what the time commitment is. There is nothing more precious than time. It’s the only thing you can never get back. Whatever the time commitment you’re given or you personally estimate, add a buffer of 10-20%.

3. Understand how to say no. Here are a few examples:

   • “I can take that on, but then I’d have to give up x. Which would you rather I focus on?”

   • “I should be free to work on that two weeks from now. Will that work for you?”

   • “I think that activity would be a great learning experience for x.”

   • “I’d rather focus on activities that will help me achieve the goals we’ve discussed. Is it possible there’s something else I could take on?”

Balance is the one thing everyone wants and most people struggle to achieve. If you want to talk through more ideas or role play a situation to practice, schedule a call.